What to expect at events

A lot of this world happens in person, at events. Munches in ordinary cafes, play parties, club nights, rope socials and workshops. For many people an event is the first time the thing stops being online and becomes a room full of friendly, normal people. This hub is about going to them.

Melbourne, where helloPOLY started, has one of the most active poly and kink scenes in the country, and it is far broader than most newcomers expect. The range runs from a quiet drink with a few like-minded people through to large, lavish parties, and most cities have more going on than you would think once you start looking. It helps to know the kinds of nights before you pick one.

The main kinds you will come across:

• Catch-ups and munches. Casual social gatherings in an ordinary bar, cafe or pub, where the point is to meet people and talk. A munch is just a social, with no pressure and nothing on show, and it is where a lot of people first meet the community.
• Bar nights, socials and dance parties. The community out for drinks, music and a good night, from low-key to large productions.
• Swingers venues and parties. A long-running scene of its own, leaning sexual and social, usually with house rules worth reading first.
• Rope socials and performance nights. Hands-on shibari gatherings and spectator shows, some artistic, some erotic.
• Kink and fetish events, including play parties. The bolder end, running on strict consent culture and clear rules.

Poly events and kink events sit side by side here rather than one falling under the other. They draw overlapping but different crowds, and knowing which is which saves you turning up to the wrong vibe.

A lot of events run a pre-event social too, a relaxed catch-up beforehand where you can meet some of the other attendees first. It takes much of the nerves out of walking in.

Whatever the event, most are warmer and less intimidating than the idea of them. Organisers tend to look after newcomers, and being nervous at your first one is completely normal.

These are starting points, not rulebooks. Every space has its own culture, so when you are there, ask and watch.

This is the starting point for events. More guides are coming soon.